"a growing epidemic that really ain't fly..."

an open letter to my female brethren,

enough is enough. get your act together, fools.

we have already discussed your ill-fated fashion choices of late, and i didn't think i'd have to regulate nate-dogg-and-warren-g-style again so quickly. however, you have failed me. more importantly, you have failed common decency. apparently i need to articulate another fashion rule-of-thumb to follow, which is as follows:

leggings are only, i repeat, ONLY to be worn as an undergarment, and should be paired with a top or dress that hits the leg at no higher than mid-to-upper thigh.

this advice seems to be fairly straightforward, but you'd be surprised as to how many seemingly knowledgeable women use leggings as a replacement for pants. this is an unforgivable faux pas as it provides the perfect breeding ground for one of fashion's great transgressions: the camel toe. ladies, i am neither a zookeeper nor a bedouin, and therefore should not expect to see camel toe on a regular basis. however, lately it seems as though every time i look around (insert OMC song lyrics here...i completely forgot until just now that they are kiwis) there's a vagina staring back at me. do you enjoy exposing the outline of your vulva to the rest of society? is it not a nuisance to constantly pluck lycra and spandex from your labial folds?

let me elucidate that i am not vilifying the leggings trend as a whole. i am, in fact, quite the proponent and own a few pairs myself. anyone who knows me knows that i enjoy the comfort of loungewear above all else, and will gladly accept any opportunity to make such clothing acceptable going-out attire. (not that it ever stopped me when it was unacceptable). however, all i needed was one quick glance in the mirror at my ass & gams encased in a blend of natural and synthetic materials to know that an outer layer was necessary. i just wish others would be so kind.

(i'd also like to apologise as apparently i should be broadening my derision to the male segment of the population as well. it seems as though leggings transgressions know no gender boundaries. unless he's wearing a codpiece, that deftly-placed jacket is most likely hiding a moose knuckle. regardless, homey don't play that).